Push or Pull

A good way to describe many of my experiences in the last 3 months is to use the analogy of PUSH/PULL on a door. In the west, we see doors in public spaces, restaurants, banks, etc that say “PULL or PUSH.” My whole life that has been self-explanatory. If it says PULL you pull the door, PUSH you PUSH. If someone PULLS when it says PUSH you might look around sheepishly to see if anyone saw you make the blunder and then correctly open the door. If people are around you might get made fun of for being a little “slow.”

In India it has been more like: Door says PUSH and you PUSH… Outcome 1: It pushes open as instructed; Outcome 2: It doesn’t work. You have to instead PULL the door. Outcome 3: You can PUSH or PULL. Both work. Outcome 4: PUSH or PULL doesn’t seem to work well and you have to do a combo of both to open the door. Outcome 5: Nothing works and you have to figure out a different way to leave/enter and come up with a temporary solution which involves things like tape, folding a piece of paper 4 times or quick drying caulk.

This past week I’ve been having a tough time. Many days feel like outcomes 4 & 5. So much of my time is spent reacting to unpredictable situations and often not having enough context to know which solutions to apply. I’m interpreting a moment one way and everyone else has a different point of view + they might also have different interpretations from one another so it gets kinda confusing and frustrating. I think that someone’s “gut instincts” are based upon successes and failures of past experiences. Lately my “gut” has been out of sync and that can be jarring.

After a long week I was exhausted! This was me on Friday. Somebody was taking pics after I passed out.

These are the moments I miss HOME the most. 10 Things I miss: I don’t want to make this blog about whining, and I realize how entitled we are in America, but bear with me for a sec.

Friends and Family. Nothing compares to what I have back home. Miss everyone like crazy.
Systems working: Being able to open a bank account in one day and other stuff like that: Took two months. In the end it was me going to the bank. Being firm, kind of a jerk, showing angry eyes, asking to speak to everyone’s manager but not yelling. After 45 minutes, they opened my account. I later realized I could have used those tactics from the start.
Not getting electrocuted when you try and turn off the lamp: Ha, that was a funny story. I went to turn off the lamp. Smritika was in the kitchen. All of a sudden she heard me scream cuz I got electrocuted. Smritika, after first checking to see if I was ok, castigated me saying “In India you don’t just put your hands anywhere on a lamp.” Lesson learned.
Infrastructure stuff: Such as sewage systems being able to drain quickly after rain.
Nice Public Spaces: Pretty public parks and other open spaces.
Walking places: Continuous sidewalks.
Food stuff: Some days you just want to eat the stuff that reminds you of home.
Knowing where to buy things and how much they should cost
Chicago Summers: No explanation needed. I’d love to do be at a bbq on someone’s deck or backyard or go on a bike ride by the lake.
Friends and Family. Said it twice cuz #’s 2-9 are easy to overcome and adjust to. Pretty much irrelevant. Parks are nice though. In the end nothing more precious than the people I love dearly and have had many years of relationships with.

But to keep evolving I have had to change my mindset. Embrace the unexpected, go with the flow. In sticky situations situations ask yourself “what’s the worst that can happen?” Ha, sometimes that is when you actually have to take action cuz the worst could be bad, but most of the time, the worst is of little consequence and for your wellbeing best to remain focused on what’s important. So… you have to take a deep breath, step back, if appropriate chuckle, and figure out how to best open the door.

The other night Smritika and I were chatting about how crazy it was that this is happening. How, thinking back, there were only certain versions of reality we’d imagined that we have as far as life is concerned. My time in India, my time with Smritika, has created a brand new world of possible scenarios. The dimensions of what reality can look like have been expanded. Even with all the challenges so many constraints are now gone. That’s pretty cool.

Monsoon season has started! The air is cleaner, the city is super green and tropical, people love the rain out here, and it’s kind of calming. Still, it poses many challenges. The other day Smritika and I go the market to buy umbrellas and water shoes. Just as we arrived at market there was a terrential downpour. See videos: