Mumbai: City of Contrast & Contradictions
On March 26th, 2018 I arrived in Bombay. It has been about a year. I can’t say I have fallen in love with the city. But I have found comfort. Would I rather live in Mumbai or a place like Las Vegas or Dallas or Cedar Rapids? Mumbai.
It’s a constant mind fuck full of inconvenience, deep poverty and inequity, bigotry, pollution, high decibels of noise 24/7, crumbling infrastructure, and even walking through the wealthiest parts of the city it can feel slightly post-apocalyptic.
At the same time it’s full of millions of kind people, diverse and accepting of people from all walks of life, cosmopolitan, has the largest urban national park in the world, there is a ton of wealth here, 24/7 you feel safe no matter where you are, great transportation and incredibly convenient. So yeah. FULL of contradictions. Keeps you on your toes.
Not uncommon to see a building with condos selling for 5 million dollars and next door will be acres & acres of slums. Different classes live right next door but that does not mean there is understanding or integration.
Most Expensive Residential Building in the world vs. one of many slums in Mumbai
A pic of the 4 Seasons Mumbai Hotel overlooking large area of slums.
Sunday stroll on the Bay: Sometimes the goats, birds, Smritika and I take walks along the Bay a couple blocks from my house.
Norms and Etiquette
Every country has its own norms/etiquette of how to interact and what good manners look like. 3 questions I often ask myself:
- What are the rules and etiquette I have to follow in order to be respectful and be able to build rapport and trust with others?
- Which ones are not as important to follow?
- How do I make sure while making those changes to maintain my true & genuine self?
I am sure at different points I have committed taboos and probably offended a couple people. At different places as my comfort has grown I have started to figure this out. Your guard is always up in the beginning. With every new situation that happens these questions are refreshed in my brain but over time you can adjust quicker to figure things out. Here are a couple of things I have observed and experienced over the past year:
The Indian Goodbye
Indian’s take a long time to say goodbye. In a social situation if you are keeping track of time, you should plan for the goodbyes to last at least 30 minutes and could stretch to an hour and a half. Saying we are going to leave could also lead to another drink, more food, many questions, all of a sudden making detailed plans for the next encounter and lots of back and forth. I have observed countless times people talking for 30 minutes right in front of the door. Or you walk to the elevator, and we keep talking. And you don’t want to be rude so you keep missing your elevator. Or you have an uber waiting and people keep saying goodbye so your uber driver keeps cancelling and you have to keep getting a new uber.
Personal Space
This has been a big adjustment for me. Overcrowding and lack of space and infrastructure lead to a lot of pushing and shoving in India. If there is a line, people will certainly try and jump it. To prevent this from happening, those who are in the line will commonly stand so close to each other that they’re touching. It can feel unnerving at first, but it’s necessary to prevent people from cutting in.
The best example is taking a flight. You get to the airport and go through the security line. Men on one side, women on the other.
You get in line. Someone will always try to cut you. If you are not in a rush it’s fine, but you still have to be a little vigilant and step up because if you let one person do it then everyone else will. People will cut you but if you say something they will generally go to their designated spot. So you board the plane. Of course it’s a little chaotic with the line. You fly. You land. In the states, each row gets off one at a time. The front goes first, so on and so forth. In India it’s a free for all. You just got to step up and find a small space, fit in and leave. No one is going to let you go. You have to jump in and take your spot.
Walking on the Street
In Mumbai there are millions of people, cars, bikes and other things going on at once in a small space at any given time. It sometimes feels like people try to walk into you. You can be walking in one direction, they are walking towards you. You go left they then adjust the same way. I am mostly able to just laugh about it when it happens now, but at first it was super challenging. Again, no one is doing it to be mean or harmful. Personal space is just something you give up in a place like India and especially Mumbai.
An Example of what rush hour can look like. A video I took when I was heading somewhere around 8:00pm. You can see how much stuff is going on at once.
Direct vs. Indirect + Being Polite
Took some time to understand and still learning, in personal relationships and at work. I guess, culturally, giving a direct “no” in response to a question can be viewed as rude or inappropriate. So someone might not want to do something but will still say yes. Or someone wants to do something and instead says “I wouldn’t mind that.” A strong “yes” or a direct answer to a question can also be tough. But eventually you are able to decode and understand the subtext. Especially at work I have also had to tone down some of my direct answers so it doesn’t come across as rude.
People don’t say please, thank you, bless you, appreciate you doing that, etc.
The use of “please” and “thank you” are important in the states to show politeness and usually respect. Of course so many say it but don’t mean it.
I think in India it can create unnecessary formality. I have noticed that people do say these things to a waiter or other business transactions (but not all the time and that’s a separate conversation). But I think (don’t know for sure) people view doing things for those whom they are close to as just a “given” in the relationship. So you don’t have to always say thank you or please. I still do it with people at work but I notice other supervisors who are otherwise super kind and respectful just don’t say it. My boss who is generally a nice guy doesn’t do it either. I can’t really explain but trust me it’s different.
And then there is “no, thank you.” Won’t usually work. You have to be more assertive with that one. Especially if someone is trying to give you more food. You just had a great meal at someone’s house. And of course, Indian’s who are super hosts will keep trying to feed you. You have to block your plate and still with politeness give a firm no (without saying no directly). Hmmm. See it is a little confusing. Maybe it’s the body language you have to think about. Still trying to navigate this one.
Eating and Sharing Food
Love it! People eat with their hands all the time. Such a great thing! Southern Indians really go at it. Like dig in and get messy with it. Some North Indians make fun of it. Either way, I have always been castigated for eating with my hands so am all about the eating with hands life.
Another cool thing is celebrations & cake. When you celebrate a birthday/wedding/etc the person getting celebrated is supposed to take a piece of cake and then feed everyone a small bite from their hand and it just goes around till the slice is done. If you are a germ person this might not be for you but I like it.
People share food. You are expected to share your food. That is very nice.
People also drink from your water bottle as well. You can have your bottle in office. And someone will walk by your desk and just take a swig (could just be my job). The difference is, In India no one put their lips on the bottle. In the States, because the bottle is only used by one person, people will slobber all over the top when drinking it.
India is Random & Confusing
It is. Enough said. If you can make it big in India, you can absolutely make it big in the west.
This was at an event we did in Hyderabad. Love these signs. Only one elevator was working but it pointed in two different directions. People figured it out. I feel like this says so much about other situations I have seen this past year.
In the city of Hyderabad, you cross the street, no matter what the rules of the road, be prepared for cars to be coming at you in all directions. I guess the city is trying to crack down.
Sometimes you just see random stuff. This was a couple blocks from my house
Men Stare at Me
As a foreigner, men stare at me. This happens a lot. People come up to me ask me for pictures. Although when I moved to the neighborhood I am in now (Bandra) with lots of foreigners you don’t get asked. Now is it much different than when Americans go to another country, take a picture of the “locals,” blow it up and put it on their wall? Not really, except the power dynamic is different.
Be Careful Not to Generalize
1.3 billion people, 20+ primary languages spoken, religion, colonization, + all the other deeper stuff. People are all operating on different wavelengths & realities. India is a land of extreme contrasts. Each state has its own unique culture, and norms. What may be true somewhere in India, may not be the case elsewhere, even within the same city. So basically these are just some of my observations based on limited experience.
I do know this has been a year I will never forget with lots of learnings and hopefully brain growth. Over the next couple posts will write and reflect more. Miss everyone!
IT Depends...Explain More 