Pigeons + Setting up a Bank Account

There are millions of pigeons in Bombay.  We live on the 6th floor.  There are no screens sometimes the rat birds enter the house and wreak havoc.  Anyone have good ideas how to prevent pigeons from setting up shop on your window or balcony?

 

 

Setting up a Bank Account

When I made the decision to move to India I knew I needed to find a job.  There are several steps to make this happen:

1. Get hired (send out resumes, early morning/late night video job interviews)
2. Work Visa (20+ pieces of paperwork ): You have to get this first before you can enter the country.  Allows you to work legally for a year.
3. Foreign Registration Service (20+ pieces of paperwork):  Within 14 days of arriving you have to register with the government.  You submit documents (almost same docs as work visa).  Document descriptions are ambiguous and 3 people you ask will tell you 3 different things of what to submit.  No one really knows.  You submit.  Then government comes back to you saying they need this or that document.  It is not very clear what they want.  You guess what they want, and either a) send them a new document that might meet that requirement b) send them the same document but with a different name c) send them the same document with same name.  The goal is to i) show them you are committed to the paperwork process ii) avoid having to go to an office iii) obtain stamped certificate.  I went back and forth 6-7 times and finally they give up and give you the benefit of the doubt.  This is the first year it has gone digital.  Can’t imagine having to do this in person.
4. PAN Card (5-6ish pieces of paperwork):  This is your tax id # and allows you to be paid legally and taxed.  To make that happen, same idea as above.
5. Getting Paid:  To get paid you need to set up a bank account.  To set up a bank account you need your PAN card, work visa, passport, foreign registration stamp, two passport sized photos and of course a job.

Pic on the right is what is used for all my ID pics.   This is how the government knows me.  My second day in India and it was 98 degrees that day, my receding hairline is coming through, still pasty coming from a Chicago winter, and I thought it was a requirement to not smile for ID pics.

Pic on the left is the day I received my PAN card.  One month later  I am posing in front of the Gateway of India.  If anyone visits, you need to check it out.  In earlier times, it would have been the first structure that visitors arriving by boat in Mumbai would have seen.  Sorta symbolic. My hair is looking fuller these days.

Setting up the Bank Account: 

Part 1: A month after arriving in India, you finally have all the necessary documents.  You go to the bank.  Tell them you want to open up a checking  account.  They take me upstairs to a carpeted air conditioned room with nice comfy couch for “preferred customers.”  They offer me coffee and tea.  I decline.  A nice account representative takes all my documents and makes copies.  Then proceeds to tell me that I can’t set up account without a physical check; I tell them I need an account to get that check.  They tell me they need a check to set up an account.  We aren’t getting each other.  I have them talk to people at my job.  People at my job don’t really understand what they want.  They go back and forth in Hindi on phone.   They realize the account I need is a “salary account” and that downgrades me.  I am put back downstairs to “coach.”  It is decided they will get back to me and figure it out.

Part 2:  Phone calls back and forth at 6pm.  I am asked to come back to bank on a Saturday and now I don’t need the physical check.

Part 3: I go to bank.  They walk me back up to the VIP section.  They offer me coffee.  I take it this time, not sure if I will be downgraded again.  They take same paperwork, make same copies.  Paperwork is filled out.  I give them new passport photos.  I’m winning.  As we near completion I am waiting for my debit card.  Nope.  My paperwork will be processed within 6-8 days and on Monday I have to do another chat with a new relationship manager.  I can’t get mad because, well, what’s the point + the guy was so nice and it was good coffee.  So…I wait.

Part 4 – 8: I am writing this retrospectively. It was not until 6 weeks later that I finally got my account. At a certain point they stopped answering my calls. I have the HR person from work call. No luck. I have Smritika call no luck. Everyone is equally confused and losing their shit when talking to them. Finally on a Saturday I go to the bank. The nice man, who is still nice seems embarrassed and can’t look at me in the eyes. “I thought you would be my foreigner friend,” he says. I look at him in disbelief. I was on a mission and I was ok with losing my banker would be friendship. I was infuriated. It’s a fucking bank. They should have their shit together. Asking to speak to this person’s boss and that person’s boss. And refusing to leave the bank. Finally a larger gentleman who had this smug look on his face and reeked of inauthenticity and lies. How can a bank make someone so angry? Don’t know. But that’s what I remember most. I was ready to do something out of my character. In the end, I camped out for 3 hours. Refusing to leave until they gave me an account. I guess that also reeks of privilege. Anyway they finally just gave me the account.