1st February, 10am – 78 degrees and sunny with a nice gentle breeze. That sounds really nice. But that gentle breeze smells like toilet and rotting fish and the air is “smoky.” A staple of Bombay.
While the unhealthy air quality is no good for most living things. Hawks, Crows and pigeons seem to thrive. Here is a scene straight out of a Hitchcock movie
India can be stressful and inconvenient. Much of life in India is about “hacks” to avoid these inconveniences. There is this term called “Jugaad” and is used in 5 regional languages (Hindi, Bengali, Marathi, Punjabi and Urdu) across India. Wikipedia: Jugaad is a non-conventional, frugal innovation. Basically when shit just doesn’t make any sense and you come across a ridiculous problem, you need to come up with creative solutions. It’s a necessary set of life skills to function in India and capabilities many Americans don’t possess.
The more money and privilege you have in India the less creative you have to be to solve these problems. With the right amount of money (and often not much) there are middle people to help you avoid paperwork, traffic, congested shopping, machines that don’t work, bad plumbing, archaic laws, etc. The less money the more creative you have to be. Either way, everyone is always trying to find a short cut to avoid the stress and nonsense. But there are still some inconveniences you can’t avoid.
Traffic in Bangalore:
Traffic is one. I was just in Bangalore for work. One of the fastest growing cities in India. The place where the call centers started sprouting and now has the highest salaries in India. In 2000 there were less than 5 million people. Now 12 million. Great weather and many parks. Used be called the “green city.” But the infrastructure couldn’t keep up and now the traffic is awful. The other day it took me 30 minutes to get 2 miles & 2 hours to get 20 miles (airport). But you can’t walk because there are no sidewalks.
Court Marriage
Many of the married friends we know have had a wedding & many receptions. However most have NOT registered their marriage with the state. It’s really inconvenient. Human beings don’t like lines, traffic, paperwork, waiting, unnecessary steps and things they don’t understand. A court marriage has all of those elements. This leads to procrastination and not doing things. I always joke that Smritika and I have been married 6 times. Two of those times were during the court marriage process. Here is the process.
First online: We tried to take the easy route and register online but as a foreigner was not possible.
Special marriage act: We had to file under a thing called the special marriage act. She’s Hindu and I’m something else. They actually don’t have a category for Jewish. So I had to be Christian.
Lawyer: We needed a lawyer and others to handle the paperwork. We set a date with the magistrate in Delhi for 18th August.
Two part process: First you have to file the claim and show up in person (Delhi) to fill out the paperwork. And then a month later you show up again, same place and the government gives you the marriage certificate.
Cancellation: A day before going there the lawyer nonchalantly said your appointment is cancelled. There was no explanation or follow up date given. We had the flight booked so we went there anyway. There was still a slim chance we could pull some strings and get the appointment back. In India there is always a way (Jugaad)
15 Minutes to get to Magistrate: Ram & Rama had to speak to some powerful people. Still the night before we went to bed disappointed that it wasn’t going to happen. But…At 10am we were awoken by Rama. Get your clothes on. You have 15 minutes. You’re getting married. We rushed down there.
Smritika in car putting on nail polish as we go down to magistrate.
Negotiation: We arrived to a packed government building. Others were also waiting to get hitched. Even after arrival our appointment was still up in the air. Rama, Ram and Smritika took turns negotiating with the magistrate. They brought me into the office. Conversation was in Hindi. From what I understand the convincing line was: “He is a foreigner. What will he say about India if you make this so difficult.”
Say the right things in the right way: Smritika’s mom displayed true mastery. Always with a smile but at the same time in control. The one’s that do it best know when to escalate the situation and when to remain calm and gracious. Ram stayed vigilant and talked to the right people. After a couple hours round 1 was complete. Our pictures and application was posted in the lobby bulletin board.
30 Days to Object: People are given 30 days to object. I think they do that because some men were coming in already married and this was to prevent double marriages. Or maybe somebody would just think the couple is not a good fit. Either way our pictures were posted and people had 30 days to object.
One Month Later – No Objections: Our pics and application remained on the bulletin board. Within an hour the application was taken down and we pronounced husband and wife by the magistrate. It was official & time to celebrate.
India teaches you a lot. Much of what I still need to process. One big thing is don’t sweat the small stuff. It’s a coping thing to stay sane. As my wise wife says: “what’s the worst that can happen?” The stuff you can control, do a really good job and the stuff that makes no sense and you can’t control do jugaad.
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